I dont want this without you

No success without you

Everyday at around 4 I step outside of my office and look out the window, or down at the other people. I always stand there never smiling, but just lost in thought. Despite all my sacrifices, despite how I got to where I am. It means nothing to me. I wanted this for so long, all day all night I dreamed of this, I dreamed of seeing my name on things being in interviews, and seeing my work on TV (I've seen my work on it) but it doesn't mean much honestly, I feel alone, so very alone, so very very alone. Even though I have these so called people who are my friends, all they want to do is spend money, and party. I'm not really into doing that, I'm a stay home talk tv kind of guy. When I think back to the days where I could smile, I think back to her. Dazzling red hair big brown eyes, and 100 percent of super adorable beautiful woman. I was happy, I had her by my side and I was a success, I had something not many people had, a strong woman who was there for me, and now I stand here alone. How I miss her, how I miss hearing her voice, listening to her rants, and listening to her problems. As I fade off in her memory she is always a fresh one in my mind. I keep a picture of her on my desk, as a reminder to myself of what all this cost me, A lot guys it cost me a lot. If I had just gave into my heart I would be married with 2 kids with interesting names, in a apartment, a beautiful wife, a great job. Then looking down at this would be something. But now it doesn't mean anything, all it means is just that I left that one spark that came me lit.

I was strong but she made me stronger. When I wanted to run away and just hide under a rock, she would fight with me till I didn't. I miss her, more then she knows, I miss her more then anyone has ever missed her.

I am able to talk to her, but she is distant from me, which I deserve from what happened. But you know what I just want her, I want to hear her voice again, I just miss the 1 am phone calls. I miss her needing me in her life. Like how I need her in mine. I want her again but this time I will give this up to be there for her. Despite what she says, I just want to. When I am done with school, I'm stepping away fro my job, and start new again this time, where she is. That way I can be there when she needs me, and my door she can always knock on. Who knows maybe she can call my place hers as well.

All this money, all this success doesn't mean anything to me. Because all I really want is her, I did when we weren't together, I did when she was with someone else, and I do now. So if it takes me my whole life to get her to forgive me and get her to give me her time again then guys my life is going to be pretty full because I am a stupid guy who just wants that beautiful smart little bug back in his life.