Dear Katie

Dear Katie

I have to admit this is actually the hardest time in my life. I am so use to things just falling together for me, and me actually not looking to putting them together. For the past months I have been so use to talking to you, hearing your adorable 5 year old country voice. Getting random pictures of you and things in your life. So much in fact that I look forward to each and every moment that my Phone rang because I knew it was from you. Even if I sound annoyed when you decided to call me in the middle of the night because of a nightmare I love it made me feel like I am first thing on your mind. You believe your no good for me, but your wrong. You are quite the opposite, you are a sunshine on the cloudy, the Booth to my Bones (Its a good show you should watch it). You are the jam to my toast delicious to the very end, so as you sit there and read this just know that, your not alone I am always watching over you. When your awake, when you are asleep I am making sure you are safe.

It's quite funny though even though I believe in science, I do believe in god. I do believe in him bringing and taking people in my life, but you see my little lovebug I wont let him take you out of my life. You are something I can not name, like a entity that can not be put into words your beyond beautiful, and beyond gentle. I just know that God put you here, and guided me to you, that's why I act childish and become impatient. I am so use to seeing you, I am so use to hearing you yell at me, tell me to think on your level. Normally I would think of everything in a science level ya know, Sociology, Psychology, Biology, and even Chemistry (even though that's more on the chemical chloride form and stuff) especially when I am interested in someone. But you I tossed that aside, and took a chance with you. You know what it was the best chance ever! I thanked god (which I rarely do) for bringing you into my life. I still think back on the promise I made when I first met your Grandfather, when you went to the bathroom he had a man to man talk with me (kinda scared the hell out of me, still does when I think about it.) I told him that I would take look after you, just like your grandma and he did. When you left to go home that night I promised to god and your grandma that I would never let you feel alone, or be alone. I still promise it today, I may not show it but I take those kinds of promises seriously ( I believe that I can be haunted if I don't). Which actually happened to me a numerous of times believe me or not, like the late nights when I wake up and notice you just texted me or called me and I reply back super quick, yea its not me waking up someone is waking me up though I really don't like being woke up like that but I know someone wants me to wake up. Did you know at my job (Office Depot) your name is on thirteen different pages on our business catalog (like 13 out of a 50 page book) and each time I pass buy it, its like Katie's Flowers, Katie's clothing. I am always like “who the hell keeps turning it to these pages! My bosses really don't like it when I curse at the start of my shift, oh well. My personal god message is that our store plays the songs I remember you listening to, each day it never misses a beat. Its like god or your someone else doesn't want me to break the promise I made to you. (It happened even when we broke up the first time.).

I remember you just saying that you don't want to hurt me, but you already have in so many ways then one. You can say that you don't mean to but I know you always will. When you don't tell me why your mad, when you leave me in the dark, when you promise to never leave my side. It hurts me, sometimes I even hurt myself when I think about my feelings for you. I've always been hurt when it comes to you even when you say you love me it hurts me, why because I am not use to your level of love. I will always be hurting when it comes to you, and there is nothing that I can do about it. I know I can't exist in your life right now but I want you to know that. Out of all of that what hurts me the most is that you never go out of your way to let me know that I am on your mind or that you miss me. I know your not “allowed to talk to me” but it would be nice to get a picture of you saying I miss you, or that you are thinking of me. I still want to know when you have nightmares and when you are pissed even if I say why, and you don't reply it tells me that I am still in your eye like you are in mine. I talk about you a lot, like non stop bragging about how beautiful you are, and how much you mean to me. Even when I am not a thought in your mind you are a thought in mine, I even told my boss that I want to transfer out to Florida because I want to find you. (I even told him that they all went “ahhhh, like a romeo and juliet” Blah haha) It hurts me the most when I can't even see those beautiful brown eyes.

If you are still reading this I hope your not crying, I just want you to know that, despite all of this. You are not alone anymore, as long as I can open my eyes and draw breath I will make sure you are never alone sad, mad or upset. Even if you are I will do something so that way you take it out on me, because I have to grow up (like my mom told me) and I want to grow up with you and old with you too. I want to make every dream, goal and idea of yours a reality from the kids, to the cats, the house on the beach. I don't ever want you to feel like your alone, you lost that feeling when you met me because I will always bother you with cute little words and long speeches (which I've been told that I am good at). Even when you think I am gone I am not, I am always loving you and watching over you, whether I am in Washington or in hell. I am always next to you, (unless your in the bathroom then I am outside the door maybe just maybe). So your not that lone wolf anymore, that lone hero that outcast anime character. Because I am there your the Alpha I am your Omega, your Yuki Toudou, and I am Kagetora Kazama. So please understand that, even with all your doubts, flaws, and your disorders, at the end of the day I am here always willing to turn you into a sad sushi roll.

I love you and I miss you I hope to see you soon,

Calvin R. Whitman Junior

(Gotta love the long name)