The Ledge

The Ledge

How did it come to this? Me standing on this ledge looking down at the black abyss that is my life. There is no bridge that I see, and behind me is the nothing but darkness, and the souls of my mistakes. There is only one way I can go and that is down this hole. I walked along side this abyss for 3 months and yet I have found no way across. I took a deep breathe and looked down into the abyss, no light at all.

“Jump just do it”

“Shut up I am not going to jump”

“your just repeating the cycle”

“I am not I think this time is different”

“Its not different Nothing is different”

“She will come and the road will be there again, I can still wait”

“She wont be there, no one ever is there”

Stupid voices they have nothing better to do then to harass me in my darkest hour.

“You say you changed and got rid of me, but we both know you haven't changed.”

“Your not here you died.”

“I haven't died I've been here I've been among them you just ignoring me”

“Of course I ignore you, your helpless I am stronger then you”

“Are you stronger then me, are you really”

My old self been gone for the last 7 years, such a helpless kid. Only comes out in my lowest point. Which is something I avoid everyday.

“Well are you going to jump”

“Jump”

“Jump”

“Jump”

“I'm stronger then you all, so I am not going to jump”

“Your just going to repeat the same mistake”

“I am not going to”

“Josie, Ga-Young, Brianna, Grace, Maya”

“Shut up I am not listening to you”

“You messed up when you were so close”

“I will not say it again shut up”

“Why do you reject us”

“Because your mistakes I try not to dwell on”

“Her name will be on the list, but she will be the biggest mistake you ever made”

“She wont be”

“Jump”

“Jump”

“Jump”

“I Wont JUMP”

These ghost just wont shut up, about me jumping into the hole. I can't yet I just won't jump, not yet I still have time to fix it.

“Your thinking you can fix it,but we both know that you can't”

“I am different I can fix it”

“Don't Make me laugh, you said the same about the others, Ga-Young rejects you every way shape and form I am sure she wishes you dead, Josie doesn't remember you or even you existing, Grace is gone forever, Maya she is gone for good, she doesn't trust you anymore nor does she want to talk to you. Shall I go on?”

I gulp hard. Then turn to him.

“ Its not my call to do this, I have faith in you, but its the big guy you need to impress, she helped you escape from him so he isn't that happy about it. She likes her too, but now its gotten out of hand, and now this is the only way now.”

“Jump”

“Jump”

I turn my head to look back. They surrounded me, I cant turn back now.

“Jump”

“Jump”

“Do it”

“Jump”

“Jump”

“Jump”

“You wont be missed”

“Shut up all of you.”

“You know its true though right”

I look at my younger self. Then down at the abyss

“Why do you continue to run”

“Its the big guy himself”

“You defy me left and right, you never agree with any of my actions. Now look at where we are, at this point once again. Kind of funny, really. I asked you is strength what you desire. Do you want to survive, or do you give in to the death itself. If I remember correctly you said you wanted life to have her out of your mind, to never know what love is, and I gave it to you. 7 years in the making 7 years of splitting you two apart. Now we are here again, I told you to jump and you did it without a second thought. As you slumbered I rebuilt this whole world of yours I gave you strength I gave you life again. All I asked for is for you to not neglect me listen to my voice let me be your reasoning.”

“I want to live too, I want to be able to make my own decisions. We can over come this, we can wait a little longer.”

He smiled his evil smile as I stood there, I felt my balance slipping away and I felt as if this was it for me. I felt as if he was gonna push me and then I will be gone forever.

“You know we can't both co-exist in this world, it is just to small. You know you need me, other wise where would your back bone be?”

“I don't need you, I can survive without you. I have my whole life, and I can now”

“Is that so, because I have been with you since you were five, people had an imaginary friend you had me. I was never named Casper, I never had a name. Not until you gave me one, and yet you deny me my right to live, you called upon me multiple times, Should we walk down memory lane?”

I hated him, we can't co-exist in this world. We can't because you lacks a heart. He lacks compassion for people. He stands tall on his golden throne, and reigns supreme over people. I can't live with a guy like him not in my head not in this body.

“Jump”

“JUMP”

“DO IT”

“COME WITH US”

“BECOME A MEMORY”

“JUMP”

They chanted louder. I don't want to die, this is my world too. I built this since I was younger, and he wants to destroy it.

“I like him, you should too. I say jump and be reborn again, like me”

“reborn into what, a world that we will just destroy.”

“Destruction is the only way to reborn the world, it will cleanse us. It will make us better.”

I looked at him, still smiling, his manipulative and evil smile. Eyes black as darkness, image just like me, but eyes dark and more evil.

“Look over that edge and tell me what you see.”

“You know what I see”

“Nothing right, that's what you see. If you just jump the light will shine.”

“You're lying to me, you always lie.”

“To others yes, to you no. You see my dear friend, you're the last one, a special one. The last of them, one that I do not want to consume, one that I will not eat. Not like the others, you are one that I need.”

“Don't make me laugh, you just want this world to yourself, you want to destroy others worlds as well. That's why you want me to jump!”

“Well he doesn't want to kill you, just put you back where you were”

Back where I was, in a world of darkness, back to being alone, never knowing love, happiness, friendship. I don't want to be alone anymore, I found the perfect girl to protect me from him, to put him to sleep so I can survive, and be happy.

“Well what do you say, will you jump My dear friend”

I looked back at the ledge, nothing but darkness, nothing but a long fall. Nothing but silence.

“Can we wait just a little longer, I mean its one more month right?”

They all laughed even my younger self, but one memory laughed harder and spoke up.

“You know your just a failure, you know that you let me go. You didn't try to get me back, and when you did it was too late. You lied to me, broke my friendship circle, and then made things worse. So you expect her to do come back. She found someone else just like I have. Get over yourself, and just die”

That stung, it hurt real bad. That made me want to jump.

“Now now, no need to break his will down.”

“why.....do....you care”

He smiled happily at me, knowing that he was about to win.

“She said she loved us, she said she will come back to us. She promised.”

“We were promised a lot of things, we were promised helped, we were promised love, but where is it huh. Who taught you to ride a back, who promised to protect us from him huh? Where was the woman who said she loved us, and watched some man beat us huh. Promises are meaningless in this world”

“But she is different”

“Who said that she will always love us, huh. Who said that she will be in your arms forever? Who was the one who promised to wait for us but gets married, who promised to never run when you mess up and let you fix it? What about the girl who told us that she will keep in contact with you. Who was the girl that promised to be in your life? They all promised you that, where was their promises? Where is it”

“JUMP”

“DO IT NOW”

“JUMP”

I looked at everyone. Tears swelling in my eyes.

“Do you see now, you only have me to rely on, no one else. Twenty-four years have I been here to clean up the mess left by you and the others. I rebuilt the cities, I rebuilt the buildings and all that I ask for was to be free.”

“I....want...to wait”

“Bae....I can only call him bae....”

“She only....wants...him”

“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP”

They all laughed loudly.

“We have been promised a lot of things, but they never happen”

The kid was right, but if this world is to survive I have to stay in it, if this place was to be bright again I need to think of something.

“The mask is breaking and its only a matter of time before its gone.”

“Your just gonna commit a crime.”

“No No No my dear friend, I won't commit a crime.”

“I see the dreams too, I feel the enjoyment you get. I wont let you destroy things.”

“He is a good guy though he saved us when I jumped.”

“I don't care if he did it once.”

He held up two fingers.

“Twice I did, and yet you defy me still. I protected us from your enemies, when you were scared. Who was there for you when you had no one, when you had no friends, when you were left for dead. Who did you call when that man put his hands on you? Who fought back when you were down.?”

They all pointed to him. I began to shake, I feel fear. I am scared of him, he is stronger then me. Psychically, mentally, and emotionally.

“I want to wait still, then I will jump.”

He smiled his evil smile.

“I will give you one month, we will all sit here for one month. If she comes walking through us I will admit defeat and let you have this world. If I do not see her, or even feel the bit of sleepiness then this world is mine forever. You will jump off the ledge, and be returned to me.”

I stood there looking at him, his confident smug look angered me. He was gonna kill me, like the others. I couldn't lose, I don't want to lose. To die like the others to be fed to him. The screams, the scared looks of the others. Their lives were ended by him. One by one they fell to him. Until I was left. Now I am near this ledge, at the end of my life. In a war with a monster. A war with myself, a war to control this body we share. I balled my fists, then gulped hard.

“Deal, I have faith in her. She wont abandon us.”

He snapped his fingers, and rose from the ground was his throne. He sat in it, and looked at me, staring at me in the eyes. He wasn't staring at just me but my soul. I wasn't just fighting my old memories, no not just them I was fighting the devil himself. My other half. Not anger, not hatred, none of those emotions, something else. Something darker then them. I knew I had to win, and I had faith in her. She wouldn't lie to me right. Not to me, she made a promise. I hope she comes. I don't want to disappear.