25 years in a week

I work a lot, it keeps me busy, I read a lot it keeps me sharp. I study to gain knowledge to get to where I want to go. On the final day of the work week, I was approached by a co-worker and he told me “you work to much you always, have your head in a book, you always have that same sharp look in your eye. You should sit down and unwind. Its the end of the year and you should think back on where you been.” I did that I sat down I thought about it all.

I was a wild one; life in shambles, a crazy one; no one can tame. Sharp one; nothing got past. Smart; but only in the shadows. I knew what I wanted but I always deferred myself, knew where to go but moved kinda slow. Kept myself in trouble, to show the world I was a youth. I hung out with the cool kids, to be part of society. Youth is what stopped me, Youth was my downfall. Skipped school, to be at the public library to gain the knowledge that I wanted. Picked fights with the other kids to cover it all up. Passed every test that was in front of me, Aced every homework assignment that was thrown my way. Always called it dumb luck. 4.0 this 4.0 that, Raise your hand be a god damn man. Kept it down, like a coward, just wanted to be cool. 6^th grade, 7^th grade, 8^th grade, passed do you see that its flying colors. High school years came with a blink, Fucking scared to be show what you know, didn't want to glow. Chose the back seat, trying to stay out of the heat. What is the answer. You know this dummy, just raise your hand blurt it out. No one knows, they look and ponder. You read it in the book, pg. 1-9-5. They look around, the cool ones look and clown. Snicker, snicker. This ones a real ticker, put your head down you clown. You just blew your chance, the teacher tells ya'll anyway. Pg. 195 you knew the answer. Weeks go by, you ace your tests, the cool ones pick you as their target. You don't want that bullseyes get it off ya back. So you begin to pick on all the other brainiacs, you clown and clown just to fit in, the ridicule, the jokes, the pushing, the fighting, you just doing it just so you don't glow. Deep down inside your dying inside. You get home to get hit by some other man's whip, cut up in school here is a damn lick. You die a little faster, you want out of this life. Ran away got beaten by that man, Kicked out expelled, kicked rocks. Joined a clique, didn't give a shit. Fought for respect, fought against the cops, never stopped. You could have settled it better, mind was the gun, the pen was the ammo, write little man write, words was the trigger, itchy to pull the trigger. Beatings non stop, hatred growing, can't breath, slowly dying inside, Joy happiness smiles friendship. Dwindling away. More beatings more neglect. Yet you don't even try to survive, a mistake slowly filled with regrets. Your a coward, and you know it. Get to school you turn to the clown, you try to be the coolest around. At home your the worm who is burrowed in his books. Trying to learn, trying to figure it all out. You write complicated math problems, from books in higher levels you make sense of it all. Your having a ball, shhh here that its natures call. Advancement tests come around but not where you want it. Your so called friends are in that class, you blow it. You hide what you know, just like the coward you are. Damn keeping yourself down to fit in is a whole new low. Get off the bus that fake smile you show fades, all you want to do is read and play games. Enjoyment happiness comes from your books, and the wonderful word of all kinds of games. Peace, harmony, smiles, and fulfillment. This was you this is who you are. Not some kid who didn't know shit. You were the one who wrote all his homework like you were running out of time, you were the one who was the smartest in the room. The one who spent days in libraries reading books with words no one knew. Reading with a smile no matter how small the book, solving all the problems like they were falling in line. Yet hidden from the public eye. Young man whats the answer, ummm 42, naw you know it was 74 you played dumb so then you could have fun. Aced test aced homework, poor attendance, Drew all the time read, even wrote lines. Genius, and knew it. Smart as a whip solved high levels of things in short amount of time, blew all off and now you are dead inside.

Graduated- people wondered how, no longer cared what others thought, keep ya head up. Been through a lot, Survived 4 years of high school, others drank smoked had kids, you picked up your pen, and went back to where it all began. Writing in a journal about all your thoughts, all the feelings, what is believed to be life. Picked up more books, went back to libraries; Science, Math, English, History, Philosophy; Da vinici, Michaelangelo, Albert Einstein, Sun Tzu, Charles Dickens, and Edgar Allen Poe. Mind spinning like wheel, whats this whats that I get this, I need to learn more on this. Books yes books, pen wheres my paper. Smarter young man smarter. Continue to write like your life is on the line, write till you get to the end of the line. Smartest in the room; Law, anatomy, business, and politics. But yet never really gave a shit. Knowledge in general was good enough. Sharp as a knife. Tounge always loaded like a gun. Game to game chat room to chat room. College starts soon don't really give hoot.

Met a young woman who was opposite, learned life lessons, and was literate from books. She literate from experiences, drawn to her; bound like family by blood. Real smiles, real joy, real raw emotions. Talk to her like your life was on the line. Spending your money, giving her all the time. Books, her, art, study, design, design, design. Young man you are doing fine. 25 years all in a week. Reliving it all, moment by moment, second by second. Tic toc, tic toc. Sound of the clock as the second hand never stops. Young man your growing up, room 401, North Carolina, New York, England, Korea, and Japan. This young man wised up, and came so far. Dream became real, but is it a little late. Sit back in that chair contemplate on this. Was it right, you are wise. Would it last, or will this past. What are you going to leave behind? 25 years full of heart breaks and regret. Wise up, wise up, get up rise up. Lost it once, can it be taken all back? 25 years in a week. Sparkles and glitter, to gold, and silver. Baggy saggy jeans, to fitted clean jeans, From pull overs to polos, From button ups to Cardigans, Clip on ties to full blown suits. 25 years in one whole week. From starving to fed. From nothing to something. Yet still striving to newer things. Striving to be the best, at what don't know, but still have ink in the pen. Still more blank pages in the book, still more knowledge to gain. More things to attain. 25 years in a week. Yet young man, you still feel so weak.