Back to square one (with a twist)

So here I am back again, no Katie, alone, the same ending. My stupidity and weakness is what got me this time.

*sigh* what was it this time? School is what sealed the deal in this tombstone. I left a good job to focus on school. Yep because of that I made my money stop coming in which puts stress on almost everyone, even me. But why? I'll tell you why because love bug doesn't like my family which I understand, because of key events things changed. And I became scared not for me but for her, my stress was because I wanted to take great care of her. This wasn't her fault it was mine, it was mine I should have dropped out of college and just worked. Then we could have had our own place. But during the last leg of the month she couldn't take it, just a note on the bed and no good bye. Which she knows how much I hate goodbyes, but I know she will come back soon after I get my own place hopefully. I blame myself for this, why because I should have told her I caused a rift in my family, not her, I was shot by them stabbed by them defending her. But I didn't tell her because I didn't want to worry her, I hated that so I took all the heavy hits from them, getting cussed out, being called stupid, all of that. But I kept being strong just so I didn't have to show her how stupid I was.

I miss her it hurts waking up without her, not feeling her touch or hearing her voice, I miss it all. But you know what, I still am in love with her. I miss pulling her hair off me the showers, markiplier,  all of it.

So now I am waiting again, but I'll be waiting with a place for her to come home to. Just me her, Smokey, and our cat glitch. I'll wait for her like I always do for her. Though she hates it I'll do it because I made a promise and I'm not going to break it no matter what. So my while life is dedicated to her, and only her. I can deal with her abuse to me, the tears (which I do every time we fight or argue), the slaps all of it. I loved her and ALL of her flaws more then I let on, I still hear her saying are you awake yet. Yea my own weaknesses pushed her away so now I'm here again alone, depressed sad and wanting to kill myself. But I'll wait for her because I can't die till we make our family. But I know she still loves me, me and all of my assholeness. And I love her and her ptsd, and stress that I can make go away.

*off topic* so it's summer, and I'll be doing some lonely traveling, so I'm going to be posting on my wordpress >>thetravelingdesigners.wordpress.com<<

So this is cj signing off I love you lovebug, and please come home, me and Smokey miss you.