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I don't know what to say.... I don't know what to write. Except I'm waiting, and this will be the last post for awhile. I'm an idiot I'm a fool I'm stubborn and stupid....i never cared about it being toxic it is like a drug that i can never quit.......i can't help but to defy what people say......i can't help it.....i know I don't listen all the time.....i know I may not grasp emotions and I know I push myself to hard....but I'm still in love with her ya know.... I want her to be happy, and I know that we say terrible things but in the end we kinda walk together again.... I guess I have to let time heal and then find out what is left....so I don't know what to say other than I love you. And I never wanted this, I'll be here, ill be strong for both of us and continue to look after you. Once we talk again I hope you'll let me come to you like I wanted to.... if only I can get the shaking and the tears to stop I'll keep going for the both of us.... you mean the world to me. And I wasn't trying to ruin your relationships I just wanted to know where my love bug went.... So I guess I will talk to you later and I am looking forward to be in your arms again.... and I'm sorry I'm blogging this I feel alone without you and I have no one to talk to because I love talking to you.... I miss your voice and I could never hate you or throw away 9 months of happiness with you. Every since I first met you i have been on love with you. I never ment to leave you, nor let you go through this, I never slandered your name or even let someone talk down to you....... I wanted a fresh start with you and I still do..... So of course I'll try and listen to you....i won't contact you for a while but I do want you to check in even if it hurts me.... I'll do my best to stop these tears and be strong..... I'll wait to hear from you and be with you again this time it will be just me no my family no nothing, and I'll learn to listen better and understand your feelings.... I know Smokey will miss you a lot....and I won't contact anyone of your friends or family..... and I'll do my best to give you space....i love you and I can't wait to see you again....