sub conscience talking

I miss you more and more everyday, I have dreams about you every night. Some nights they are different but most nights they are the same. Each dream I have you are in it. I love you so much, even now I still love you. You are the only one that can hurt me, only one that can make me cry, smile and mean it. You are the only one that makes me feel complete, the only one who brings out the best and the worst in me. I know I do the same for you, or attempt to.

I still want to be with you, I still want to marry you, have a family with you. make you smile, laugh, happy, and so much more. No matter what you say these things wont change, it not just has to do with the promises, it has more meaning. It is because you're the only woman alive on earth that makes me feel the way I do. Just happiness, such joy, such completeness. You complete me, you're honestly my soulmate. I wish this was a lie but it's true.

I know no one has said this to you, but I only live for you. I feel alive when I am with you, I feel actually happy when I am around you, I feel something that I can't put into words with you. I know that I am rough around the edges, I know that I can be an asshole, and insensitive, emotionless. With you I tried hard, and I know I can try so much harder to be understand more. I was sensitive with you, I cried when you cried, I had meltdowns when you did, when you were hurt, my heart stopped dead in its tracks whenever your in pain.

Working for other people has always been a challenge for me after you came into my life I saw that I wanted to be in business for myself and that's what I did, I don't know why but I felt better when I was freelancing and on contract work, it meant that I could spend more time with you, and that's what I set out to do.

Even when we broke up the first time I only worked hard for you. I knew that I could provide for you for the rest of your life, I still believe that even when you think that I can't, but I can and I always will.

I only graduated college because of you, I wanted to drop out to take care of you, and to provide for you. I wanted to continue to buy you the things you wanted, but you convinced me to stay in when everyone else including my family wanted me to drop out and just work. You were the only one that knows whats best for me, as I look at only the success to provide for my family (you, me and smokey). You made my career decisions and what I should think about doing and doing it.

You can think that I never heard your voice but I heard you, your voice though it is like a adorable 5 year old I heard your voice. I looked up apartments for Miami, I showed them to you. I looked for ones meeting what you needed the most, fast place to the beaches. I was even looking for work, I found the perfect jobs for me to provide for you. You can think I was lying but if you checked my internet history you would see that Florida was my top search. I even told you a lot about this.

LB you may not be here, but I know your not gone. I love you. I thought about this everyday, and my mind, heart, body, and soul only react to you.

I am not your exes, I am not just going to be like by and disappear from you, or on you again because I love you and I truly mean it. Though you get a lot of people that say this but I truly and honestly mean it, if I have to give up everything which I have told you that I would do I will do it.

You get the thought that no one will truly love you because of all your disorders, and body problems, but I told you this every single time but I will. I don't care if you're in a vegetative state I will stay by your side, and love you even if I have to give up every cent I have to keep you alive I will do it, because you are the only human on this planet that I love, that I look up to, that I would live for, anyone can say this, but I honestly wouldn't be here without you.

I only have my eyes on you, and only you. no one else matters to me but you, I miss you, I know you miss me, and I love you. I can't wait to move and be away from here, and start over with you and live the rest of my life for you. Because you deserve it, you deserve to not be like this and I want to do the best I can to fix it.