Lovebug

Lovebug

When I hear from you, it puts me at ease. It makes my heart stop and skip a beat. You say I am on your mind and you can't say much because of him, makes me feel numb but calm too. I can't be in anyone else s arms other then yours, so you don't need to worry about that. Kinda funny I am using a blog to communicate with you but hey, at least you read my writing I hope you like em too.

I haven't been sleeping well lately bug. My mind wonders onto you every night before I sleep, but there are so many questions I want to ask you. I want to know if you miss me, if you miss hearing my voice. Your voice is what I want to hear the most, it brings a smile onto my face. I know that I am 3,316 miles away or 2 days away by drive, 45 days by walking,15 days by biking, 5 days by train. But for you I will close the distance, in a matter of seconds.

I am sure you know about me and science, and how much I believe in that other then other things. But when it comes to you science can't explain certain things to me, like why certain songs that you like randomly play at my job or how people quote things you say. The thing that I can't seem to solve is your scent I can recall it at the most random times, sweet, and crisp.

He may have you for now, but I am having you for life. I am not sure if you are hurting from the fact that your not able to talk to me, but that's what kills me the most. Yea it hurts me when you say you love him too, but him telling you not to speak to me is what hurts me the most. I saw you first I heard your voice first, and I want to hear it everyday.

I did some realizing, and I noticed something. We make one whole person, your emotions, my brains, I can go on but I am sure you don't want to hear my rants. I noticed that my life is in chaos when I don't hear from you, call it weird but I don't care for much things. You see my dear readers, but I am in love with her this small woman who breaks my heart will always be my number one woman. When you left you took my self control, my ability to keep myself calm, and think rationally is now with you. I also know what you meant by being alone ( I know you remember this), and I can tell you this I don't like it. To feel like this, and know that I will be alone hurts me. Especially after I pushed someone away to focus all on you. You see my dear readers they say never put your all your eggs in one basket, but I didn't just put my eggs into her basket I put instead put my whole damn chicken, duck, goose into her basket. Risky but worth it because I plan on getting married once, why not to the person who is your complete opposite?

You see lovebug I want to make your dreams come true, I want to put you in school, and watch your true smile show again. I want to publish your art in a museum for the whole world to see. I want to give you everything your eye looks at. Up till now I never cared what my girlfriend buys or what it is she does, but for you JUST for you I care. I want to take your anger away, I want to make your loneliness disappear, I want to take your doubts and get rid of them. I know that sounds hard, but I have the habit of making the impossible possible. Yes everyone I tend to do things that people say they can do but me I don't give up and I find a way to do it. I want you to be a stay at home mom bug, because I know your body takes a beating, and I don't want to see you in pain EVER. I will make your dreams come true all 10 gillion of them, no matter what the price is, you will live the life you want. The only thing that I want is for you to tell me you love me, nothing less nothing more. I want to see your real smile again, not just that weird big lip smile. I want to see that happy smile that you should me last year the smile that I have in all those pictures the teeth bearing smile, that is the only smile you have ever showed me, believe me or not. So that's my number one goal, I made that promise to your papa, to god, and to your grandma that I will make all your wildest wishes come true.

So my dear readers you may be reading this asking why is this on his blog again ugh get back to the stories. Well I will but she is part of my stories too, even when we marry she will still be on my blog. So yea sorry! (not really sorry)

You see lovebug when it comes to my feelings for you, it will never change because when you came into my life (well when god introduced us) I knew that your were different in every shape and form. Your not just my lover, wife, girlfriend (which I still refer to you as by the way). Your my best friend the person I talk to when I have a problem, my relief. I know that makes you happy because that's what you want to do in life, but it would mean more if you can come to me for your problems let me take care of everything like I want to. Your so stubborn that I love you even more for it, (You see guys my little lovebug here is unique like amazingly unique, smart, and cool but her family oppresses her I guess would be the word.) I will make your money issues disappear I will be the guy who takes you to the end of the world and back. Well maybe no to the end of the world since the world is round maybe somewhere far and back. My greatest thing in life isn't all my graphic design accomplishment, isn't my knowledge. It is actually in fact YOU! You always say you don't want to hurt me, but haven't I not hurt you? Have I never disappointed you like you have me? I always think back on how we say that we are hopeless, and obsessed with each other, it makes me smile because I like to think its true. You are my first thought in the morning, and my last thought at night.

I know you love him, but honestly I don't like him. Someone who can cause me to lose my cool will never be a friend to me. Nor will I ever allow someone like that to be near me, I wouldn't have had a problem if he let us talk (well not that big of a problem (I mean he does sleep with you, I don't like that)). He would be a little ok in my book, but he wont let me hear your voice or solve your problems when you have them. I know you said your not ready to let him go yet, but just know I will fill up every gap, hole, and pain that you have in you. Make you better, make you know that you won't need anyone else because I will always be there right next door, or right next to you in that small apartment (I don't think its a apartment but a small box office thing).

Lovebug you said you need me I always hear you saying that still, and I want you to know that your stuck with me now. I need you, I will always need you. I want to make your health better, both physical, and mental state, as well as your emotional state. Since your “disappearance” I've been doing lots of thinking and there is so much I want to tell you. I want you to also know that when you have a nightmare again just call me, let me calm you down just make sure you are ok, then if need be disappear back into the light ok? I will be waiting for you in July, waiting for you to come back home, back to my family so we can shower you in our love. I love you, and I miss you. I will try and be careful but no promises. <3 I hope you miss me and you love me, would be nice to know if you do I don't even care if you use our secret phrase I just want to know. I don't care for him, he is a phase anyway in my book! I just want you to say it again and make me smile.

Lovebug I will be here waiting for you, under the waterfall in the forest far from civilization. Eating bears, and berries. I hope you can join me. I can't stand this no talking thing! Blaharghaharegh mmmfmm mfmfmmmm mffm fmmmfmf