I'm starting to find it increasingly hard to sleep, I just can't get comfortable I've tried a lot of stuff but I just can't sleep. My body can't adapt to this, I miss her so much. I can fall asleep easily when she is next to me. She is comforting to me, knowing she is next to me relaxes me greatly and I can sleep. I tried the whole it's just in my mind thing, but it's not my mind my body is to tense when I try to sleep. Some nights I have to clench my eyes shut just to sleep which causes my eye to swell up.
But when i do sleep, all I dream about is love bug, every night I dream about her and it's almost the same dream too she is coming out of the water looking stunning. Then I wake up every night for the last week and a half that's been my dream.
I was told to do something that makes me happy then my body will be relaxed. But she makes me happy, being with her is relaxing I tried other stuff but it's just hard.
Another thing that's not helping is my depression and stress levels, I find it increasingly hard to find the motivation to do anything I just want to lay down all day and do nothing, i find myself doing that. I want to see my dog but I don't know how to face him because he loves her as much as i do and he always looks forward to see her, he just has that look ya know.
I'm stressed because I dont know what to do know, everyone speaks up but it's not what I want. So in stressed about it and it grows every day because for the last 3 years she has told me what to do. I've always listened to her about going to college for graphic design, getting a career, changing jobs. I just need her to tell me what to do, where to go like she always does. I can't listen to anyone else other than her because that's how it always been. She doesn't believe it, but it's true. I always asked her if it was ok to buy something and if she said no I wouldn't buy it, if she said yes I'll buy it. It was the same for her as well.
I get so stressed driving to work now, I just can't do the whole long distance anymore. I dont know why but it causes panic attacks.
its been 3 weeks and I feel as if it's been longer I have nothing to come home to and nothing to get me going anymore. Shes been what kept me going, shes been here to get me to where I am.
They say that it gets easier as the days go by, but it's the opposite for me it gets harder it always does, why? Because she's the one for me she always will be despite what she says.
As the days go by my depression worsens, I find it hard to focus, thinking gets harder. The things I normally do I can't do i.e. wanting to watch YouTube because all I want to do is watch it with her.
So I'm out of ideas and therapy just started, this is my third time now going, so I'm a little hesitant on wanting to go.
I just want to be able to sleep at night I dont want to be tired and unmotivated I miss love bug. I just want to come home to her and just be with her. She can always get me going again. I just want to sleep comfortable and be focused again.
I know she loves me and misses me, I get shes being stubborn, but right now I'm at a stand still without her.
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