I'm sorry lovebug

Know what I hate? The fact that people think that I can give something to them that is not mine. I know that I probably posted something about this already. Yet this is an ever growing thing, like I moved twice now, i have a apartment in Kyoto and i am on a work Visa and i have a apartment in Panama city, Florida. You would think that I am busy traveling to the Maldives, Australia, England, China and many more places, yea I'm busy and yea I am focused (somewhat) but yet I keep getting the same ole thing that arises why can't I give my heart to someone, and I'm sorry but it's not mine to give. I have explained it to my neighbor like a million times I can't give it to you. At one point we were roommates and yea like was perfect for the both of us yet I can't give to her what she wants, for I don't have my heart it belongs to lovebug, yea it isn't easy but yet she still has it. She was my first everything, so how could I throw that away? How can i throw her away?

I promised her that i would never do that, as long as I live I can't throw her away. She's the only human alive that I can say that I love with a true open heart. No woman has ever made me feel like that.

I am working hard not just for me but for her as well. All my success was due to her, not my strength but hers as well.

So I ask why should I take it all back why should I be the heartless person that everyone wants me to be, I can say that I truly love her that's why I gave my heart to her, because when she comes back she gives it back and I feel love again.

I can't just throw out her stuff, I cant just sell it or give it away.  Of course I am keeping it safe, yes I have it all, yes i watch over it and yes i will put it in my place in Panama City, i owe that to her to know that she has a home with me. Just a home for both of us where she literally have me and smokey, a place that she doesnt have to work 40 hours a week and kill herself. A place that she will have money saved away for her.

She's considered my partner, she is considered my bestfriend, she means everything to me.

So I ask why would i give my heart to another? Why should I kick her out for someone else.

I don't want tolerance, nor do I want lust. I want love that's all, with her I feel that when I look at her. I know everything will be fine, I leave the past mistakes in the past and I try to be better. I feel like a whole new person and my goals and dreams are reborn again through her. The fear and the aniexty in me does down.

Have you ever touched happiness? Have you ever looked at it, for me just a simple touch from her and I'm happy, when I see her I am happy. So why give that up

I work hard for her just so she knows I'm ok. That I am doing it for her too. So why should I give it up?

Why should I stop this for someone else? No one can make feel the way she does, and I dont want to give her up. She means the world to me.